FRIDAY, AUGUST 14th, 2020
 nocturnal, dusty and masculine. i had to pause for a few seconds, stumbling, almost. inhale rust, cheap beer and methamphetamine. it was frankly disgusting, why the fuck is it so.. cold(?) in here? instead of an answer i was told to take a seat, no, i don't want a fucking drink. the clash of freezing cold and piping hot was uncomfortable, the couch was uncomfortable, the knowledge that behind a newspaper covered window the world was silver with moonlight, was terrifying.
 i don't think it's dishonourable for me to think about them, in fact He intended for me to never let them go. couple pleasant years of me locking them away, but sobriety brings them back lately, curses. i never figured out why it was so cold in there, but it's okay because then there was the moment of the most physical love i've ever felt in my life, how can it not be romanticised?
 the drive home was pretty, i never played that aria record again.