SUNDAY, JUNE 6th, 2020
 i just finished reading maggot story. i don't think i've read anything as intriguing in years. i made a pretty button today, honestly proud of it.
 i feel a violent fucking urge to cut my uvula out. i never bothered to try to touch it before, but today i realised how easy it is to grab it. the texture of it is so fucking nice, it stretches and its so much lighter and tinier than i used to think it is. it would be so fucking easy and satisfying to grab a razorblade and cut it right off the base.
 maggots honestly might be my favourite creatures in the world. everything about them is so fucking interesting. reminds me of the first time i killed an animal for no reason, during freshman year, it was a fox. i honestly don't remember how i ended up there but there i was, holding a red fox down with my blade against its tiny throat, in the back of that one car junkyard in my town. it was already semi-unconscious from the choking. the climactic feeling, sight and sound of the blood gushing out with the cut was unimaginable. i was very inexperienced, i didn't know what to do. i watched it die and i hid it benind a car. for the next few weeks i spent hours on end every day right there, in the doorless car, watching the maggots, playing with them, smelling the rot, it was a great time. i wish i thought about collecting bones at that time. this was my first realisation of how interesting maggots are.