SUNDAY, JUNE 6^th, 2020

[0445] i just finished reading maggot story. i don't think i've read anything as intriguing in years. i made a pretty button today, honestly proud of it.

[0554] i feel a violent fucking urge to cut my uvula out. i never bothered to try to touch it before, but today i realised how easy it is to grab it. the texture of it is so fucking nice, it stretches and its so much lighter and tinier than i used to think it is. it would be so fucking easy and satisfying to grab a razorblade and cut it right off the base.

[0658] maggots honestly might be my favourite creatures in the world. everything about them is so fucking interesting. reminds me of the first time i killed an animal for no reason, during freshman year, it was a fox. i honestly don't remember how i ended up there but there i was, holding a red fox down with my blade against its tiny throat, in the back of that one car junkyard in my town. it was already semi-unconscious from the choking. the climactic feeling, sight and sound of the blood gushing out with the cut was unimaginable. i was very inexperienced, i didn't know what to do. i watched it die and i hid it benind a car. for the next few weeks i spent hours on end every day right there, in the doorless car, watching the maggots, playing with them, smelling the rot, it was a great time. i wish i thought about collecting bones at that time. this was my first realisation of how interesting maggots are.